As an accredited and experienced workplace and civil mediator, I come across a lot of angry people. Understanding why we revert to tiger mode when threatened or offended is the first step towards harnessing and managing anger. After explaining the process, I will teach some techniques that I use to calm myself as well as others and give a framework that is useful for these situations.
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Good fences make good neighbours, good boundaries build good relationships
Mediators often describe themselves as breaking down walls and building bridges. So why do I think boundaries are important?
One of the most common causes of conflict is unclear boundaries or where someone has crossed a boundary.
Broken promises or unfulfilled expectations are examples of where a line has been crossed, knowingly or unknowingly. Many of these situations would not have occurred if people had “said no nicely early” in the relationship.
This practical session helps you explore your boundaries. Learn about how to set and communicate expectations clearly and how to handle yourself when boundaries are crossed or expectations are not met.
Do you feel dogged by bad luck?
Would you like to get luckier?
Do you seem to meet all the wrong people? Or the right ones at the wrong time?
You don’t need to buy lucky charms. There is scientific research that provides practical tips on how to improve your odds and have an easier life. I use this information to help people improve their relationships and make life easier for themselves.
In this talk, I will explain some of the findings and illustrate the lessons they teach us. I’ll give guidance on how to change your luck by changing the stories you tell yourself and others.
As a mediator and conflict coach, I have seen the benefits of this approach again and again.
How to manage yourselves (and others) who default to tortoise mode when unwanted change or conflict is on the horizon.
In my last ChangeCamp session on managing your emotions in conflict, most of the tools were for managing anger.
This year, I’ll concentrate on tools to help you manage fearful and anxious reactions to conflict.
So instead of going from beast to Buddha, I’ll be talking about how to stick your neck out.
This session covers how to over your fear of conflict, learning how to say what you need, saying no nicely and sticking to it. (And still like yourself!)
“We can say what we need to say. We can gently, but assertively, speak our mind. We do not need to be judgmental, tactless, blaming or cruel when we speak our truths.” ― Melody Beattie
NB: You don’t need to have attended the previous ChangeCamp session to go to this presentation
Image courtesy of Alex Brown
Evolution hardwired us to react to change and conflict with the fight, flight or freeze response.
But the world has moved on, and this instinctive response often ends up making the situation worse.
The physical dangers and stresses of the past have morphed into more intellectual and emotional challenges which require brain not brawn.
Yet for most of us, just when we really, really need to get it right, the primitive response kicks in, switches off our brain and pours in the steroids.
Some people hide or deny emotion, but this ends up in an explosion, corrosive behaviour as it leaks out or ill health when turned inwards.
The good news is that you can manage your reaction to conflict and change and handle physical, intellectual and emotional challenges more appropriately.
In this session, Nancy will help you recognise the signs of impeding hijack and give you some tips on how to acknowledge and handle your own emotions. You’ll learn some ideas of how to support yourself and relationships through periods of change and conflict.
Sailors can’t control the wind, but skillful use of the sails helps bring them safely home. Just like them, we can’t completely control our circumstances, but can do much to create a positive outcome.